Icebreakers
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Do you care more about pleasing your partner or speaking the truth? What is one instance of this?
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Speaking the truth. There are occasions where I will soften the blow by metering out explaining how I feel, but I am always honest.
In a fair number of cases, the truth is over-rated. In many cases, the truth can be unnecessarily hurtful. I care about pleasing my partner. However, I will always tell the truth about little things (ie – do I look fat or does the outfit out look good on me). The bigger things, I tend to try to please my partner (ie – going on trips even though I'd prefer to stay home and work).
I have the opposite philosophy.
Male, >50 years, Dating, CA, US | Jul 04, 2011
Male, >50 years, Dating, CA, US | Jul 04, 2011
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I used to care more about pleasing my partner. I generally believe that speaking the truth is more important now. Of course, it's important to try to keep my partner's feelings in mind when I speak the truth. E.g., No, we really can't afford for you to go back to school to pursue that unrealistic dream right now. Can you check into some alternatives?
I never lie if he asks himself, but if he doesnt-id keep quiet so he doenst get hurt.
Speaking the truth, no matter what. A lie is a lie no matter how you coat it. If i don't like when she says or does something, I may be pleasing in the way I tell her but I have no problem telling her.
I think that I tend to care more about speaking the truth, but this probably gets me into a lot of trouble, and also probably comes off as selfish. I am learning over time that speaking the truth is not always as important as trying to make my partner happy...or that there needs to be more of a balance, because many times speaking the truth is often weight-lifting for the truth-speaker...but can cause harm to the receiver.
Speaking the truth because it makes the relationship more authentic. I don't aim to hurt your feelings but I think it's always best to be honest with how you feel because it will come out in other ways even if you dont say it verbally.
yeah... no matter what the cost, huh?
Male, <20 years, Dating, NY, US | Aug 10, 2011
Male, <20 years, Dating, NY, US | Aug 10, 2011
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My partner cares more about truth and over the years I've learnt to appreciate this.
Luckily most of the time there is no conflict btwn truth/pleasing. I can't think of an example right now.
Luckily most of the time there is no conflict btwn truth/pleasing. I can't think of an example right now.
pleasing my partner... i'd rather keep peace and happiness then make a statement... i cant think of an example right now
It needs to be a balance. There are many times in which speaking the truth would be hurtful and simply unnecessary. There are many times the tone in which you communicate goes a long ways toward not displeasing your partner yet remain truthful. Nevertheless there are times in which you're put on the spot such as "Do you like the $700 pair of shoes I just bought?" in which case I am still torn on whether to be honest or pleasing.
If my partner has a cold, I would pass up a night with my buddies to attend to her, even if she tried to tell me to go out...unless she really didn't want me there lol :) But of course it's all dependant upon the situation... But if we're talking about "does this make my butt look big", then well, yes, I would hope she would do the same for me and suggest other solutions. Even if my pride might be hurt a little, my butt would look better. :)
I think life is a little bit of give and take. If I'm asking for something, I expect to do whatever he asks also, regardless of how I feel about it unless it endangers me or is illegal.. And do it without complaining ! Therefore, I've learned to be careful for what I ask for. (o;
